Evil People Really Need To Take Better Care Of Their Stuff

Because this is what I found today.

Some poor evil…being…must have dropped it. It stinks for them, but t’s really quite good for me because it’s actually really interesting  It’s like ‘People’ for evil people. It’s the underworld’s gossip magazine.

Gollum’s new movie sounds interesting. I’d go watch it, but the closest location it’ll be shown is at Malfoy Manor, I think, and I really am not going to go all the way to England to watch one movie.

It was also really interesting that they mentioned the GSA. I don’t think they did a very good job describing it though. Look:

The GSA, also known as the Good-Sinful Alliance, is a cooperation started by one blogger who wanted to foster good-evil connections. We’re not entirely sure if it’s working or not, because we’ve been asking around for information and nobody’s responding.

Actually, Severus Snape, a confirmed member, threatened to hex us to the moon and back if we ‘asked him one more dumb question about the GSA’. 

We’ve only gotten one person to sit down with us and discuss their experience with the GSA, whose identity we’re trying to protect. We’re using her real name, because everybody  will think it’s fake, so they won’t actually go looking for her–ANYWAY: Her name is Aunty Sponge. 

Evil Magazine: Hello, how are you? We’d like to talk to you about your experiences with the Good-Sinful Alliance. 

Aunty Sponge: Okay. 

EM: So I’ve heard you attended the GSA’s annual conference a few months ago. How was it?

Sponge: Good. These cookies are fantastic. 

EM: Um, thanks. I also heard the Miraz answered your advice question at the conference. Were you glad your question was answered?

Sponge: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NEVERRRRRRRRRR!

Unfortuntaly, Aunty Sponge had a total mental breakdown and was unable to complete the interview. Also, she was sent to a psychiatric hospital.

Um. Well. They really could use some writing skills. It’s hard to read. It’s like they just recorded it and stuck it on paper. Well, actually, they probably did.

I also learned a lot. Apparently, Rosaline is the name of the witch in Hansel and Gretel, and she became a millionaire after she sold her life story to the Grimm Brothers. She’s also a witch, which is how she survived the fire that Gretel threw her into. Apparently a basic Flame-Freezing charm did the trick.

Bellatrix’s article is quite interesting as well. She’s a very dramatic person. Apparently, she got a divorce to her husband Rodolphus Lestrange. And then ran off with his brother Rabastan. Or maybe it was the other way around. I can’t tell the two apart. It has the Wizarding World in quite an uproar, the magazine said.

It said on the cover that it was my trial issue. The people at Evil Magazine seem to be harboring under the delusion that I’m evil. Well, sometimes I am, but I’m not really evil like Sauron or Voldemort or the White Witch or anyone.

I signed up to get it anyways. Told them to take the gold from my Gringotts vault. I picked a random number  for my vault. I just hope it’s the Malfoys….

But How On Earth Did You Find Me With *THAT* Search Term?

I stole Nevillegirl and Miriam Joy’s idea about posting their search terms. (Check theirs out too, they’re incredibly funny and had me laughing to pieces.) I, too seem to have an awful lot of weird search terms so here goes.

dracula cape silver   As far as I know, he had a black cape. I don’t know anyone with a silver cape except Gandalf or Dumbledore maybe, to metch their beards.

annoying sister   Yes! I have one! Do you want her?

old junk and vocabulary   A lot of people seem to have those things, although not together I wouldn’t think.

funny love writing pictur   I haven’t got the faintest idea what you’re talking about, but by all means continue.

joke about junk drawers    Here’s one—-

Q: What did the junk drawer say to the cleaning cupboard?

A: NOTHING! Junk drawers don’t talk and neither do cleaning cupboards, silly.

better world    I want one too.

dandy children wallpaper   (And TWO individuals searched for that?)

funny happy birthday uncle quotes     Too many adjectives, my friend.

how to dessup a drawer inside    I don’t know. Why would you want to dress up the inside of a drawer, anyways?

tporry black      “No, I don’t know who that is, maybe Sirius does though.”

transportation inside the mall   Yes. It’s called legs.

free picture of mad man       Are you talking about this picture?

a short story about tomte    I haven’t written any, but that’s a great idea!

short story about octopuss     Yikes—a cat crossed with an octopus? That does NOT sound like a good idea.

dressing up a can of spam     I’m not even going to ask why anyone would want to do that.

television button     And what exactly would that be?

the junik drawer spell check software     Seriously? What is this supposed to mean?

a really short story about an octopus     Here you are, mysterious un-named searcher.

money is inside the drawer      Ooooh, really? Where? Can I have some?

story writing on funny pictures     Wouldn’t you want to write the story on a regular piece of paper, though? Why ruin the funny picture?

make the world a better please      Yes, I can try but I really can’t do it until I know what sort of better you want. Like, better books? Better cars? Better swimming pool diving boards?

address of modes mall     Are you a stalker?

malikiliki how to spell   You didn’t spell it right, but there’s about three people in the world who can so don’t feel bad.

halloween is over ???   Yes.

turnip *tomte    Last time I checked, I wasn’t a vegetable so stop calling me one.

Well then. I think I’ll just leave that for now and see if I get any more weird terms.

I Write Another Good-Sinful Alliance Theme Song

*To be sung to the tune of You’re A Mean One, Mr. Grinch*

*The first three verses anyway*

Verse 1:

We are the Good-Sinful Alliance,

We really are a hoot,

We’re as evil as can get, we’re as awesome as can get, GSA, (hey!)

We’re made of the most evil villains in history!

Verse 2:

We’re monsters, some of us,

We’re evil as you can get,

We’re really not that bad, so come on down and join us,

Join now before there’s a MEMBERSHIP FEE!

Verse 3:

We’re really quite cool, you see,

We do lovely fun things,

NaNoDeeMo, 4-T, an annual evil conference, Miss Manners, Miraz,

We also have really cool evil-doing outfits, did we mention?

Verse 4:

*not sung to any particular tune*

WE’RE SO COOL AND AWESOME, WE GSA,

WE’RE EVIL AND WE KNOW IT!

WE LOVE GSA, WE LOVE GSA

HOORAY!

The Sad Story Of Fluffy The Frog: Book #1

In Creative Writing in school last week, yours truly wrote a book that is surpassing all expectation. This book? None other than….

The Sad Story Of Fluffy The Frog.

I’ve decided to tell you about it, one, because I totally love it, two, because I want to hear what you think about it, and three, a good many of you are doing NaNoWriMo, so you’ll enjoy this.

So here goes. Because I can’t find out how to scan the pages onto the computer, (such a smarty-pants I am), I’ve just redrawn the pictures in Microsoft Word and uploaded them here. I hope you love it to pieces!

Title: The Sad Story of Fluffy The Frog.

Page 1: One day Fluffy was sitting outside in the rain.

Page 2: Then a lightning bolt hit him and he died.

The end!

 

 

I’m so sadistic, cruel and uncaring, yes, I know.

P.S. It’s a trilogy, so that means there’s two more to come! Mwahahaha! >:)

So what did you think? Please let me know! I MUST HEAR YOUR REACTION! 🙂

Craziness Plus Google Images

Today I’m not feeling all that creative, so I’ve started a new series:

___________Plus Google Images

Which is funny images from guess where: Google Images. (Gosh, I love that search engine.)

This is what happened when I wrote “crazy quotes” in the search bar.

So, there you go. I think another post with a wordcount over 50 will be coming before soon, and, I guess I’ll just post these whenever I need a laugh.

Harry Potter With Some Modifications

This post is for the TCWT August Blog chain. So I had a hard time picking the story. Mainly, it was between Harry Potter and Cinderella, and HP ended up with the top spot. So, here you are. Like it, hate it, or love it. (Although I’d prefer it if you love it.)

Porry Hatter and The Tuba Of Death

Once upon a time, there was a boy named Porry Hatter who lived at 1,987,372,586 Private Drive with his uncle, Uncle Onvern, his aunt, Aunt Petal, and his cousin Dud.

They were a perfectly normal family except fro a couple of things. First, Uncle Onvern, Aunt Petal, and Dud weren’t Porry’s actual family. They were just some random people who had taken Harry in when he arrived at their doorstep in a magnificent top hat, with a note saying, Please take care of Porry. He is a very nice little boy and will never cause you any harm. So the residents of 1,987,372,586 Private Drive took Harry in.

The second thing about them was that Porry was not a good little boy at all. He was the only naughty one among them, because Uncle Overn was gone half the time, selling thermometers in Peru or wherever. And Aunt Petal had to take Dud everywhere, because Dud was a famous tie supermodel, and he had a photo shoot nearly every day. So the result was that Porry got awfully bored, so he got into a lot of trouble! His favorite prank was taping the neighbor’s cat to a firecracker. But enough of that.

The third thing was Porry’s parents had been murdered by the Tuba of Death! Most people were awfully scared of the Tuba of Death, and only called it the You-Know-What. It was evil!!! Right now, it was in the Philadelphia Phil-harmonic Orchestra.

The two last things were the most important. First, Porry wanted revenge on The Tuba of Death for murdering his parents, so he became the best karate dude in the whole, entire, world. (That’s the second thing.)

So one day, Porry was walking along Private Drive, looking for trouble that needed causing, when he suddenly ran into someone, causing him to fall flat on his butt. Porry looked up, and the person he had run into looked like he was a million years old, he had a goatee, and really long hair that seemed to be floating off the ground. Oh, and he was wearing a three piece suit.

“Who are YOU?” asked Porry, stunned.

The old man laughed before replying, “Oh, I’m Bubbledore. I am the conductor of the Philadelphia Phil-harmonic Orchestra, and you are Porry Hatter. It’s nice to finally meet you at last.” Bubbledore held out his hand to Porry, who reluctantly took it.

There was a sudden buzz, in which Bubbledore jumped nearly up onto the roof, and Porry fell back, Howling with laughter. “Hand…..buzzer……always….works..” he choked out.

Bubbledore regained his composure and said, “So, Porry, I need you to come back to the Orchestra with me.”

“Me?” Porry stopped laughing, taken aback. “No way, Bubbledore! I have enough mischief to cause here.”

“Oh” sighed Bubbledore. “I didn’t want to take you by force, but I have not choice.” He whipped out a bag, and cracked his right knuckle. Porry magically flew into the bag, and the next thing he knew, he was being unceremoniously dumped onto a shiny new wood floor. He looked up, and there it was- The Tuba of Death.

Porry’s eyes narrowed. He quicky pulled out his karate black belt and crouched, ready to spring. The tuba did nothing. Porry crept quickly to the tuba. The tuba sprang into life. Out of nowhere, it grew legs and arms. It snatched Porry’s black belt, and Porry yelled “Hey! You thief! Give it back!” Bubbledore cried, “Wait! Porry Hatter!” but to no avail.

Porry ran after The Tuba of Death, which swerved this way and that. Porry ran on and on, but even karate masters’s don’t have as much energy as a Tuba Of Death does, so eventually he dropped into a street corner, and fell asleep.

He woke up to see two flutes with arms and legs standing over him. “Shall we take him?” asked the first. “Oh, yes. He looks like a lovely meal for the Master.” The flutes grinned evilly, and then Porry lost consiousness.

To Be Continued………………..

Oh, and you should read these rewritten stories, too. They’re all endorsed by Porry Hatter.

Participating Parties In Order

Want to follow our blog chain? Here are the participating parties, day by day

August 4 – http://musingsfromnevillesnavel.wordpress.com – Musings From Neville’s Navel

August 5 – http://crazyredpen.blogspot.com/ – Crazy Red Pen

August 6 – http://lilyjenness.blogspot.com – Lily’s Notes in the Margins

August 7 –http://oliviasopinions.wordpress.com/– Olivia’s Opinions

August 8 – http://snippetsandslicesandscenes.blogspot.ca/ –Snippets, Slices, and Scenes

August 9 – http://markobrienwrites.blogspot.com – Mark O’Brien Writes

August 10 – http://onelifeglory.blogspot.ca/ – One Life Glory

August 11 – http://www.astoryofadreamer.blogspot.com/ – A Story of a Dreamer

August 12 – https://weirdalocity.wordpress.com/ – Life, Among Other Things

August 13 – http://maybeteenauthor.blogspot.com – Blog of a (Maybe) Teen Author

August 14 – http://theteenagewriter.wordpress.com/ – The Teenage Writer

August 15 –http://scribblingbeyondthemargins.wordpress.com – Scribbling Beyond the Margins

August 16 – http://otherrandomthings.wordpress.com – Dragons, Unicorns, and Other Random Things

August 17 – http://kirstenwrites.wordpress.com/ – Kirsten Writes!

August 18 – http://laughablog.wordpress.com –The Zebra Clan

August 19 – http://miriamjoywrites.wordpress.com – Miriam Joy Writes

August 20– http://allegradavis.wordpress.com – All I Need Is A Keyboard

August 21 –http://incessantdroningofaboredwriter.wordpress.com–The Incessant Droning of a Bored Writer

August 22 – http://teenscanwritetoo.wordpress.com– Teens Can Write Too! (We will be announcing the topic for next month’s chain)

Please, Help Make The World A Better Place.

In order to make the world a better place, please follow these rules. Your cooperation is appreciated.

1. All of those commercials that, essentially, say, BUY THIS PRODUCT! are hereby outlawed. Anyone watching these commercials will be forced to watch one hour non-stop of the commercial. Anyone who buys something from these “TV retailers” will be forced to use the product for the rest of their life. Anyone selling a product will be sent to the TV Jail, where commercials like these are aired 24/7 and inmates are forced to watch them.
2. Anyone on their cell phone while getting something from a service counter will be escorted from the premises.
3. Commercials longer than a minute are banned.
4. You can never have enough books and stuffed animals.
5. Secondhand shops are only permitted to sell dresses, pants, shoes, and shirts.
6. Anything that says “Now connect piece 20A to the tube near HXB5” are outlawed.
7. Any copier that is jammed will shut itself down until it is fixed. It will also never mess up your printing. Anyone found messing with copiers will be found by the photocopier police and made to drink a cup of toner. (This hint was taken from I’m A Stranger Here Myself, by Bill Bryson.)
8. Newscasters are now required to report at least 8 GOOD things that have happened, as well as the never-ending list of bad things.
9. It is not allowed for the temperature to get over 110 degrees Farenheit. However, it can get as cold as -70 degrees.
10. Everyone must have a pet.
11. Mosquitos and ticks and horseflies are outlawed. Anyone who finds one of these creatures should put it in a plastic bag and take it to The Bug Center to have pros examine it.
12. Radios are now easier to work. If your radio is hard to work, bring it to the seller and demand a full refund.
13. Once a year, there is a parade in town with a one-man circus on a firetruck.
14. Cash registers, when given the amount of cash the person has tendered, will automatically use its robot hand to pick out the correct change.
15. All malls are now required to have paper maps people can take.
16. There will be a person who knows the answers to the mysteries of life.
17. Retailers will sell Packers merchandise all year in Minnesota.

Your cooperation has been appreciated. Please continue watching for Please, Help Make The World Better 2.

I wish I was normal…..but then-what IS normal (Part 1)

Obviously, they are lying. Naughty, naughty family…

Okay. So the purpose of this post today is to find out what is *normal*. Let me give you my family example first. Dad: Works all day doing something with medicine and computers. Mom: Works in the morning and yells at kids in the afternoon. Me: Goes to school all day then comes home and does nothing but homework till bedtime. Sister: Not even going to start on her. But, goes to school all day then bugs me while I do homework (which I’m using her Mr. Sketch markers for, the nice big 18-pack and she looks at them and doesn’t even notice, ha!) Dog: Barks at everything and has some *ninny* problems……Fish: Swims around in his tank all day and looks for the fish flakes when it’s time I feed him. He may be the only normal one in this family!

Let’s start with the *NORMAL* sister.

I would wear this. They come in all sorts of colors, you can personalize it……but I’m not paying 20 bucks for that.

“Dear God, My sister is annoying. Give me the mental capabilities to withstand her never-ending sermons and the strength to pinch her if I get too fed up with it. Thanks, your loyal servant Bob.

So, this is my ideal sister. She is cute and small and little. When your friends come over, they coo over her instead of running away in terror. When you’re doing homework, she goes and plays Barbies in HER room, not a shared room. She likes to follow you around but never gets in the way. You actually like to babysit for her . She is a little annoying sometimes, but she makes up for it.

This is the adorable, *NORMAL* little sister….

But wait! This sure looks like the end of the post, yes? But it’s not! This post comes in six parts! So be watching for the next post……the *NORMAL* big brother. Plus, be sure to vote on my polls too!

Welcome to the Boring Infomercial

Ohhh…this made me laugh. It’ll make you laugh too!

Girl Loves Zombie

We are (no so) very sorry to interrupt your (more important and interesting) TV show for BREAKING NEWS! (Nothing is actually broken… rarely!) Have you heard of the JUNK™?

Welcome to the Boring Infomercial

Well here is your one in a life time chance to get your hands (or foot and even tongue) on JUNK™!

JUNK™ is the most useless thing you will EVER purchase (this is the only true fact I will say).

WHAAAT? YEAH!

Hard thing to swallow ain’t it?

That’s how I feel about my vitamins.

So as I was bragging, JUNK™ is sparkly.

AWESOME?!  I KNOW!!! I own two! No wait…27.

You can own JUNK™.

It is very simple.

Call a phone number, any. Don’t believe them (modest people) if they claim to not sell JUNK™.

Give the machine operator, Mr. Killer Robot all your credit card information, your home address, All relatives home address and…

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How to pull an all-nighter

So, I bet you can’t guess what this post is about!

This was inspired by my most recent sleepover, and I set a personal record for “latest stayed up EVER” which was 2 am. However it was more like 3 am because the next day it was the time change and blah blah blah. So, without further ado…..

• So, first it must be said, you can’t stay up that late if you just sit in a sleeping bag and talk. So…
• you’ll need a very carbonated drink!!!For example, coffee, Coke, soda with caffeine….
• Now, there are two ways to “wake up”. First,
• you can repeatedly splash extremely cold water on your face, OR
• every 2 hours or so just get up and dance around like a hooligan. Which is, admittedly, fun.
• You’ll need some fun stuff to do.
• Truth or dare. Find some question…
• Board games.
• Movies.
• Chubby Bunny!!!!
• Relay races
• Pillow fights
• For girls, really, but do blind makeovers……..and take lots of pictures!
• EAT JUNK FOOD!!!!!!
• Prank calls, if you’re brave enough……(Interesting to be called at 12 am…)
• Flashlight tag
• Make up a song!
• Video games
• MASH

If you do feel inspired to pull an all-nighter, let me know by leaving a comment below!