Harry Potter With Some Modifications

This post is for the TCWT August Blog chain. So I had a hard time picking the story. Mainly, it was between Harry Potter and Cinderella, and HP ended up with the top spot. So, here you are. Like it, hate it, or love it. (Although I’d prefer it if you love it.)

Porry Hatter and The Tuba Of Death

Once upon a time, there was a boy named Porry Hatter who lived at 1,987,372,586 Private Drive with his uncle, Uncle Onvern, his aunt, Aunt Petal, and his cousin Dud.

They were a perfectly normal family except fro a couple of things. First, Uncle Onvern, Aunt Petal, and Dud weren’t Porry’s actual family. They were just some random people who had taken Harry in when he arrived at their doorstep in a magnificent top hat, with a note saying, Please take care of Porry. He is a very nice little boy and will never cause you any harm. So the residents of 1,987,372,586 Private Drive took Harry in.

The second thing about them was that Porry was not a good little boy at all. He was the only naughty one among them, because Uncle Overn was gone half the time, selling thermometers in Peru or wherever. And Aunt Petal had to take Dud everywhere, because Dud was a famous tie supermodel, and he had a photo shoot nearly every day. So the result was that Porry got awfully bored, so he got into a lot of trouble! His favorite prank was taping the neighbor’s cat to a firecracker. But enough of that.

The third thing was Porry’s parents had been murdered by the Tuba of Death! Most people were awfully scared of the Tuba of Death, and only called it the You-Know-What. It was evil!!! Right now, it was in the Philadelphia Phil-harmonic Orchestra.

The two last things were the most important. First, Porry wanted revenge on The Tuba of Death for murdering his parents, so he became the best karate dude in the whole, entire, world. (That’s the second thing.)

So one day, Porry was walking along Private Drive, looking for trouble that needed causing, when he suddenly ran into someone, causing him to fall flat on his butt. Porry looked up, and the person he had run into looked like he was a million years old, he had a goatee, and really long hair that seemed to be floating off the ground. Oh, and he was wearing a three piece suit.

“Who are YOU?” asked Porry, stunned.

The old man laughed before replying, “Oh, I’m Bubbledore. I am the conductor of the Philadelphia Phil-harmonic Orchestra, and you are Porry Hatter. It’s nice to finally meet you at last.” Bubbledore held out his hand to Porry, who reluctantly took it.

There was a sudden buzz, in which Bubbledore jumped nearly up onto the roof, and Porry fell back, Howling with laughter. “Hand…..buzzer……always….works..” he choked out.

Bubbledore regained his composure and said, “So, Porry, I need you to come back to the Orchestra with me.”

“Me?” Porry stopped laughing, taken aback. “No way, Bubbledore! I have enough mischief to cause here.”

“Oh” sighed Bubbledore. “I didn’t want to take you by force, but I have not choice.” He whipped out a bag, and cracked his right knuckle. Porry magically flew into the bag, and the next thing he knew, he was being unceremoniously dumped onto a shiny new wood floor. He looked up, and there it was- The Tuba of Death.

Porry’s eyes narrowed. He quicky pulled out his karate black belt and crouched, ready to spring. The tuba did nothing. Porry crept quickly to the tuba. The tuba sprang into life. Out of nowhere, it grew legs and arms. It snatched Porry’s black belt, and Porry yelled “Hey! You thief! Give it back!” Bubbledore cried, “Wait! Porry Hatter!” but to no avail.

Porry ran after The Tuba of Death, which swerved this way and that. Porry ran on and on, but even karate masters’s don’t have as much energy as a Tuba Of Death does, so eventually he dropped into a street corner, and fell asleep.

He woke up to see two flutes with arms and legs standing over him. “Shall we take him?” asked the first. “Oh, yes. He looks like a lovely meal for the Master.” The flutes grinned evilly, and then Porry lost consiousness.

To Be Continued………………..

Oh, and you should read these rewritten stories, too. They’re all endorsed by Porry Hatter.

Participating Parties In Order

Want to follow our blog chain? Here are the participating parties, day by day

August 4 – http://musingsfromnevillesnavel.wordpress.com – Musings From Neville’s Navel

August 5 – http://crazyredpen.blogspot.com/ – Crazy Red Pen

August 6 – http://lilyjenness.blogspot.com – Lily’s Notes in the Margins

August 7 –http://oliviasopinions.wordpress.com/– Olivia’s Opinions

August 8 http://snippetsandslicesandscenes.blogspot.ca/Snippets, Slices, and Scenes

August 9 http://markobrienwrites.blogspot.com – Mark O’Brien Writes

August 10 – http://onelifeglory.blogspot.ca/ – One Life Glory

August 11 – http://www.astoryofadreamer.blogspot.com/ – A Story of a Dreamer

August 12 – https://weirdalocity.wordpress.com/ – Life, Among Other Things

August 13 – http://maybeteenauthor.blogspot.com – Blog of a (Maybe) Teen Author

August 14 http://theteenagewriter.wordpress.com/ The Teenage Writer

August 15 –http://scribblingbeyondthemargins.wordpress.com – Scribbling Beyond the Margins

August 16 – http://otherrandomthings.wordpress.com – Dragons, Unicorns, and Other Random Things

August 17 – http://kirstenwrites.wordpress.com/ – Kirsten Writes!

August 18 – http://laughablog.wordpress.com –The Zebra Clan

August 19 – http://miriamjoywrites.wordpress.com – Miriam Joy Writes

August 20– http://allegradavis.wordpress.com – All I Need Is A Keyboard

August 21 –http://incessantdroningofaboredwriter.wordpress.com–The Incessant Droning of a Bored Writer

August 22 http://teenscanwritetoo.wordpress.com Teens Can Write Too! (We will be announcing the topic for next month’s chain)

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Escalators and Other Modes of Mall Transportation

You know, I don’t think I ever mentioned this, but I have a fear of escalators. I was going to surprise you all and tell you what the phobia name is, but apparently there IS no official name for the fear of escalators. I expect that if it did have a name, it would be like, uh, snitzaphobia or something, although I would call it Escalatorphobia because, quite frankly, that makes a lot more sense than snitzaphobia because you actually know what I’m talking about. So long as I’m momentarily on this topic, here’s a handy-dandy link to a list of an awful lot of phobias. Who knows? It may come in handy someday. But, I’ll save the rest of that jazz for another post.

Anyways, I’ve been thinking about transportation. In malls, to be exact. So, there’s the classic-walking. But that seems to get awfully tiring after a while, especially if you’re walking around the Mall of America for the WHOLE DAY, doing nothing but stopping where-ever you want and looking at whatever you want. Well, yeah, it’s a ton of fun, but goodness, you’re tired! (By the way, my mom says “Absolutely not, never doing THAT again!”)

But……..there are other modes, too. What about the elevators? Oooooh, I love elevators, especially the one in the Crowne Plaza in the city with the Gateway Arch. Well, truthfully, there are a few, but the best one is the one with glass walls. Then, you can watch the world shoot up or down! Fun, fun, fun.

Segways? I’ve heard there are some, but I’ve never seen one in use in the malls. They use ’em in airports, too, I’ve heard.

The kiddie cars? Those are pretty cool, but, honestly, they cost like, $5 an hour, which I am so not coughing up. Or you could use a wheel-chair or one of those motorized wheelchairs with the joystick and everything, but no offense, but they are not that appealing.

Finally, there are the escalators, which I think I will fall headfirst or backwards or something and crush my skull open, resulting in a horrific death scene, which I don’t want to happen. Ew. Blood and guts and everything. I have to grip the handrails very tightly, so that my knuckles turn somewhat white, and then I feel only so safe. What if I let go and fell? What if…….The list goes on and on.

So, there you have it. Mall transportation in a nutshell.