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Every single person living on planet Earth right now has something they absolutely, positively, can’t stand. For me, there’s a pretty long list of things, but to save space on this post I won’t list them. If you really must know, ask me in the comments or something. So, here is a handy-dandy re-usable rant that you can easy-peasy print and fill out!
I, __________, do not like _________________. I really don’t like this at all, I mean, seriously. What is the POINT of this? Why was it INVENTED? WHY, WHY, WHY? Do you like it? (ignore all responses)
Well, I don’t and I am SAYING SOMETHING ABOUT IT! (This can be accompanied by you slamming your fist down on some convenient table.) Well, In fact, I am going to DO something about it! (slam hand on table again, but be careful to not hurt your fist.)
Hmm. Have you got any ideas? Well, I’ve got some ideas, I’m leaving to go fix this! AARGH! (if you feel that at this point you must leave, make sure you slam the door loudly!)
(This would be an ideal time to list off all the things that are wrong with the subject of your ranting. Make sure you don’t leave anything out.) So, now do you get it? Why it’s so ABSOLUTELY, TERRIBLY, HORRIBLE?
(You are going to look somewhat deranged now, so lean into your audience’s face and scream, WELL? Interesting results are guranteed!)
So, anyways, that’s why it’s so bad. As in, really bad. Like, maybe even worse than the apopcalypse! Hmm, well, actually, I don’t know. But the point is, it’s BAD. I mean, REALLY BAD.
(Your audience is probably getting sick of you yelling your rant, so when they leave, use this paragraph:) Hey, are you leaving, Why are you leaving? I wasn’t even done yet! I wasn’t even close to done yet! Hey! Come back, ________________-! (Continue to shout the like at the retreating audience until they con’t hear you anymore)
(If your audience isn’t done yet, use this:) So I think it’s really bad. It’s pointless and lame. It’s—-AUGH! You just don’t get it, do you? What’s wrong wit you? How don’t you get it? AUUUGGGHHH! (Now is the time to stomp dramatically from the room and slam the door hard behind you)
Now, you might want to drink some water and rest your vocal cords.