Evil People Really Need To Take Better Care Of Their Stuff

Because this is what I found today.

EVIL MAG

Some poor evil…being…must have dropped it. It stinks for them, but t’s really quite good for me because it’s actually really interesting  It’s like ‘People’ for evil people. It’s the underworld’s gossip magazine.

Gollum’s new movie sounds interesting. I’d go watch it, but the closest location it’ll be shown is at Malfoy Manor, I think, and I really am not going to go all the way to England to watch one movie.

It was also really interesting that they mentioned the GSA. I don’t think they did a very good job describing it though. Look:

The GSA, also known as the Good-Sinful Alliance, is a cooperation started by one blogger who wanted to foster good-evil connections. We’re not entirely sure if it’s working or not, because we’ve been asking around for information and nobody’s responding.

Actually, Severus Snape, a confirmed member, threatened to hex us to the moon and back if we ‘asked him one more dumb question about the GSA’. 

We’ve only gotten one person to sit down with us and discuss their experience with the GSA, whose identity we’re trying to protect. We’re using her real name, because everybody  will think it’s fake, so they won’t actually go looking for her–ANYWAY: Her name is Aunty Sponge. 

Evil Magazine: Hello, how are you? We’d like to talk to you about your experiences with the Good-Sinful Alliance. 

Aunty Sponge: Okay. 

EM: So I’ve heard you attended the GSA’s annual conference a few months ago. How was it?

Sponge: Good. These cookies are fantastic. 

EM: Um, thanks. I also heard the Miraz answered your advice question at the conference. Were you glad your question was answered?

Sponge: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NEVERRRRRRRRRR!

Unfortuntaly, Aunty Sponge had a total mental breakdown and was unable to complete the interview. Also, she was sent to a psychiatric hospital.

Um. Well. They really could use some writing skills. It’s hard to read. It’s like they just recorded it and stuck it on paper. Well, actually, they probably did.

I also learned a lot. Apparently, Rosaline is the name of the witch in Hansel and Gretel, and she became a millionaire after she sold her life story to the Grimm Brothers. She’s also a witch, which is how she survived the fire that Gretel threw her into. Apparently a basic Flame-Freezing charm did the trick.

Bellatrix’s article is quite interesting as well. She’s a very dramatic person. Apparently, she got a divorce to her husband Rodolphus Lestrange. And then ran off with his brother Rabastan. Or maybe it was the other way around. I can’t tell the two apart. It has the Wizarding World in quite an uproar, the magazine said.

It said on the cover that it was my trial issue. The people at Evil Magazine seem to be harboring under the delusion that I’m evil. Well, sometimes I am, but I’m not really evil like Sauron or Voldemort or the White Witch or anyone.

I signed up to get it anyways. Told them to take the gold from my Gringotts vault. I picked a random number  for my vault. I just hope it’s the Malfoys….

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