Evil People Really Need To Take Better Care Of Their Stuff

Because this is what I found today.

Some poor evil…being…must have dropped it. It stinks for them, but t’s really quite good for me because it’s actually really interesting  It’s like ‘People’ for evil people. It’s the underworld’s gossip magazine.

Gollum’s new movie sounds interesting. I’d go watch it, but the closest location it’ll be shown is at Malfoy Manor, I think, and I really am not going to go all the way to England to watch one movie.

It was also really interesting that they mentioned the GSA. I don’t think they did a very good job describing it though. Look:

The GSA, also known as the Good-Sinful Alliance, is a cooperation started by one blogger who wanted to foster good-evil connections. We’re not entirely sure if it’s working or not, because we’ve been asking around for information and nobody’s responding.

Actually, Severus Snape, a confirmed member, threatened to hex us to the moon and back if we ‘asked him one more dumb question about the GSA’. 

We’ve only gotten one person to sit down with us and discuss their experience with the GSA, whose identity we’re trying to protect. We’re using her real name, because everybody  will think it’s fake, so they won’t actually go looking for her–ANYWAY: Her name is Aunty Sponge. 

Evil Magazine: Hello, how are you? We’d like to talk to you about your experiences with the Good-Sinful Alliance. 

Aunty Sponge: Okay. 

EM: So I’ve heard you attended the GSA’s annual conference a few months ago. How was it?

Sponge: Good. These cookies are fantastic. 

EM: Um, thanks. I also heard the Miraz answered your advice question at the conference. Were you glad your question was answered?

Sponge: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NEVERRRRRRRRRR!

Unfortuntaly, Aunty Sponge had a total mental breakdown and was unable to complete the interview. Also, she was sent to a psychiatric hospital.

Um. Well. They really could use some writing skills. It’s hard to read. It’s like they just recorded it and stuck it on paper. Well, actually, they probably did.

I also learned a lot. Apparently, Rosaline is the name of the witch in Hansel and Gretel, and she became a millionaire after she sold her life story to the Grimm Brothers. She’s also a witch, which is how she survived the fire that Gretel threw her into. Apparently a basic Flame-Freezing charm did the trick.

Bellatrix’s article is quite interesting as well. She’s a very dramatic person. Apparently, she got a divorce to her husband Rodolphus Lestrange. And then ran off with his brother Rabastan. Or maybe it was the other way around. I can’t tell the two apart. It has the Wizarding World in quite an uproar, the magazine said.

It said on the cover that it was my trial issue. The people at Evil Magazine seem to be harboring under the delusion that I’m evil. Well, sometimes I am, but I’m not really evil like Sauron or Voldemort or the White Witch or anyone.

I signed up to get it anyways. Told them to take the gold from my Gringotts vault. I picked a random number  for my vault. I just hope it’s the Malfoys….

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly)

Hi there! It’s been ages, I know, but I’m back now. So, then, without further ado…….

The movie poster..(Well, one of them. There seem to be an awful lot of them.)

Last Friday, my grade went to the zoo’s IMAX theater to see The Hobbit, apparently because we had been studying “great battles” or “epic stories” or whatever they said, and nobody really remembered because we just wanted to see the movie. In 3-D, no less. The movie was really interesting. It was a little confusing at times, but I attributed that to not having read the book yet. Yet. I am still trying to get that book in my hands and in my brain. Apparently all of the library’s copies are checked out, last time I checked. But it was also really good. But there were still some times where I would pause and think…Wait….What?

For those of you who haven’t read the book or seen the movie, here’s a short summary of the movie:

Bilbo Baggins, the hobbit is one day unexpectedly approached by the wizard, Gandalf. Gandalf adds Bilbo as the final member of his 13-dwarf company led by the fearsome warrior, Thorin. Their journey encounters scary Orcs, giant spiders, goblins, shapeshifters and more as they set out to reclaim the lost Dwarf kingdom of Erebor from the nasty dragon Smaug who has taken over it. As they pass through the Wild in Middle Earth, they must escape the goblin tunnels, there Bilbo meets the creature named Gollum. Bilbo takes Gollum’s “precious” ring that seems innocent and helpful at the time……a simple golden ring that it tied to the fate of all Middle Earth.

I’ll start with the good.

They do look very much alike….still not the same person though.

The casting was excellent. Martin Freeman as Bilbo Baggins was very good. He was perfect to play Bilbo, I think. Ian McKellen was also very good as Gandalf, too. The only thing that bugged me was how much he looked like Michael-Gambon-Dumbledore. He didn’t look like Richard Harris, and besides, he’s dead. Funnily enough, my schoolmates seem to regard me as the one who knows everything about Harry Potter, so at least three of them asked me, “Was that Dumbledore?” “No, no, no,” I replied to every single one, “it’s a different actor.” I only knew that because I sat in my seat and watched the credits up until they announced that Gandalf was played by Ian McKellen.

I like it better that way, as it fits better in my nerdy brain that Dumbledore and Gandalf are long-lost twin brothers or something, and how could they be twins if they were the same person? I’d also like to thank whoever made this chart.

I would also like to mention that the sets were amazing. Riverdell and the Shire were especially good, in my opinion. I was wearing my special 3-D glasses so they seemed especially intricate and big. I ended up tuning the action out a few times and looking at the sets, some of which had to be CG because otherwise it would have taken up an area the size of  Russia.

There’s also strange bits of humor in the films, and they’re very well placed. Personally, I liked the part at the beginning where Balin and Dwalin greet each other in Bilbo’s house and then just bang their heads together. Strange? Yes. Funny? Yes.

Now for the not-so-good. It’s not that the movie is bad or anything, there are just some things that I think ought to be changed.

First off, they seemed to have an awful lot of problems with monsters. Orcs, goblins, trolls, and the mountain rock people. Just to name a few. The mountain rock people didn’t bug me too much and neither did the trolls, but the goblins were nasty and I’ll elaborate on them later. The Orcs are what I mostly had a problem with, as they popped up entirely too much during the movie and according to people who have actually read the book too, they don’t pop up nearly as much in the book. I suppose all Peter Jackson (the director) wanted to do was just throw in more danger. I still don’t like them very much, though. They’re UG-LEE.

Don’t even get me started on the goblins, they’re just nasty and that’s the goblin king over there. Trust me when I say you do NOT want to see the rest of him. It’s just more warts and hair and snot and more who knows what. I guess, since he’s easily the ugliest of the lot that the ugliest goblin is the king.

And as I’m seguing into the ugly, one word. Gollum/Smeagol. Gollum is one bang out of order hobbit, just to say. So apparently Gollum was once a hobbit like Bilbo, but he had the ring too long and according to J.R.R. Tolkien you go all crazy and evil if you have it too long. So Bilbo and Gollum have a riddle-contest and Bilbo steals the ring from Gollum and Gollum FREAKS OUT. It’s actually kind of funny if you’re not that scared, because he runs around going “my precious!” I don’t know. I thought it was funny from a nerdy point of view. I’m weird in the way that I like it.

Well, I think I’ve run through the good, the bad and the ugly. Overall, it was a really good movie and I liked it a lot, it was just weird like Gollum sometimes. But I’d watch it again, and you should if you haven’t already.

Rating: 4/5