Escalators and Other Modes of Mall Transportation

You know, I don’t think I ever mentioned this, but I have a fear of escalators. I was going to surprise you all and tell you what the phobia name is, but apparently there IS no official name for the fear of escalators. I expect that if it did have a name, it would be like, uh, snitzaphobia or something, although I would call it Escalatorphobia because, quite frankly, that makes a lot more sense than snitzaphobia because you actually know what I’m talking about. So long as I’m momentarily on this topic, here’s a handy-dandy link to a list of an awful lot of phobias. Who knows? It may come in handy someday. But, I’ll save the rest of that jazz for another post.

Anyways, I’ve been thinking about transportation. In malls, to be exact. So, there’s the classic-walking. But that seems to get awfully tiring after a while, especially if you’re walking around the Mall of America for the WHOLE DAY, doing nothing but stopping where-ever you want and looking at whatever you want. Well, yeah, it’s a ton of fun, but goodness, you’re tired! (By the way, my mom says “Absolutely not, never doing THAT again!”)

But……..there are other modes, too. What about the elevators? Oooooh, I love elevators, especially the one in the Crowne Plaza in the city with the Gateway Arch. Well, truthfully, there are a few, but the best one is the one with glass walls. Then, you can watch the world shoot up or down! Fun, fun, fun.

Segways? I’ve heard there are some, but I’ve never seen one in use in the malls. They use ’em in airports, too, I’ve heard.

The kiddie cars? Those are pretty cool, but, honestly, they cost like, $5 an hour, which I am so not coughing up. Or you could use a wheel-chair or one of those motorized wheelchairs with the joystick and everything, but no offense, but they are not that appealing.

Finally, there are the escalators, which I think I will fall headfirst or backwards or something and crush my skull open, resulting in a horrific death scene, which I don’t want to happen. Ew. Blood and guts and everything. I have to grip the handrails very tightly, so that my knuckles turn somewhat white, and then I feel only so safe. What if I let go and fell? What if…….The list goes on and on.

So, there you have it. Mall transportation in a nutshell.


So whaddya think?

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